Something totally awesome...

Virtual reality and it's non-benefits of loserness

As you can tell by the rather emotional title of this blog, at the moment the virtual universe is not something I'm super excited about. See, It's been nearly a month since I've been in the physical presence of my boyfriend the Kevin, and while I am eternally grateful to technology for allowing us to have daily contact in several forms, I am also really homesick for the realness that can only be felt when I'm actually with him.

I've believed this before, bee-kissing hippie that I am, that the experience of seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting someone is a real connector. That it allows souls to touch. But it is becoming increasingly and painfully more clear in my head that this is true with each passing day. I can hear Kevin's voice over the phone, but there's something really missing. I'm not actually hearing his voice, hearing his spirit. It sounds like him, but it's just a signal traveling over wires; no more him than the words on my facebook wall where he posted. I can see his face in pictures and videos, and I can see the uber-reddness of his hair, but at the same time, I can't. I can't see the aura of him. I can't see the essence of ginger. It's just a thing, captured light, these pictures. It's not him.

What, with all this rambling, is the main point that I'm trying to say?

You can't really experience the fullness of a person unless you're physically in their presence. I think this is why Jesus became human, and this is why he became the little white thing in the tabernacle. Because he designed us to need physical presence. We cannot, cannot experience the real Jesus just by entering a state of meditation and saying ohm. (Not that Jesus-worshiping people usually do that, I just like to say it cause it sounds funny.) We cannot, cannot experience the real, full Jesus just by reading his Word that was written down, awesome as words are. We HAVE to be in the real, freaking presence of Jesus to really really get the real him.

Gosh darn it when I get back to school, my resolution is to not let any more days go by where I don't visit Jesus at least once.

And I'm going to give Kevin a $50 kiss.

Rubicon Syndrome

"There’s a time for noble and profound heroics…and there’s a time for recognizing that there’s not really any Rubicons to be crossed in one’s life."

This is a quote from my friend the Andy, and it got me thinking. Most people have some type of massive conversion at some point in their lives, something that happens to them that changes their life forever. It might be a dramatic event, a total mental breakdown, a moment of complete understanding, or countless other things. Whatever it is, the person crosses that river in one sweeping motion, and experience leaves the person feeling "high" and empowered, motivated to change their life and do awesome things. But reality inevitably sets in, excitement is lost, and the individual must go on with their lives without the extra adrenaline. Many people hit this reality and give up, slipping back into whatever it was that they were converting from.

Sometimes, people get addicted to the conversion process, developing what I many times have called "Retreat Junkie Syndrome." A person with RJS will go on their first retreat, have a massive conversion, cry their heart out on a loving shoulder, resolve never to sin again, etc. Then they leave the retreat and go back to their normal lives, and, after a few weeks, they realize that they've lost the adrenaline. They sink lower than they were before, and they panic. In order to save themselves, they go on another retreat. They get high on God again, and cry some more, and the process repeats. These people go to a retreat sometimes more than 2 times a year, because without the high from the retreat they can no longer survive.

This addiction to conversion, or Rubicon crossage, is a horrible problem for these people. It not only fails to produce real growth, it actually prevents the person from growing. Like any other addiction, it eventually completely consumes them and starts to blind them towards reality. Since crossing Rubicons is an event that focuses on the individual, eventually the person becomes extremely individualistic since they are constantly focused on themselves.

How do you prevent Rubicon Syndrome? When you cross a Rubicon in your life, internalize the lesson you learned. Let the experience become a part of you. Then, move on. Continue on to the City, realizing that the path will be hard, and don't look back to the river. The ant is walking, right? Set baby goals for yourself, and take baby steps. Keep yourself accountable. When you need it, don't be afraid to ask for help. And if you slide back down, just get up and go at it again. Don't let yourself depend on another Rubicon, another Retreat, another conversion. We are strong. And through our frustration comes growth. Growth shmoth, you say? We all know what Andy has to say about shmoth...

Oh look, I'm posting a blog, it must mean I'm going to Austria!

This blog is being written to disprove my boyfriend: people can have blogs even if they're not traveling in Europe. :P For seriousers though, I kinda wanted to talk about something.

In my family, in order to fight the excessive commercializing of Christmas, always celebrated somewhat differently than people usually do. We never put our tree up, decorated, made cookies, or even said the word Christmas until Christmas Eve. Meanwhile, the stores continue to make Christmas their marketing campaign earlier and earlier every year. When I was young, I was a very judgmental person because that's the way my parents were. I remember the feeling of complete disgust I would get as we drove past Christmas lights that people had up a whole three weeks before Christmas time. Then, starting on Christmas Eve, we would very righteously celebrate, and continue celebrating all twelve days of Christmas. To discourage turning Christmas into a season of greed, we kind of stopped doing Christmas presents, though we still did stockings and St. Nicolas Day.

In the movie The Rookie, one of the crazy old guys was playing "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire," and one of the other old crazy guys was like, why are you playing this song, it's April! And the other guy is like, this song is too good to play for only one month out of the year. In my house, we're only allowed to play Christmas songs 12 days out of the year. Any time after that and my mom freaks out because it's not Liturgically Christmas.

But I realized, I love Christmas! Why should we only celebrate the birth of Jesus for a short period of time? Remember when people used to say, "Why can't it be Christmas every day of the year?" Christmas is about the coolest story ever, the warm feeling of love you get when you realize how much you love your family. The joy of giving someone you love the perfect gift. Why does that have to be limited to 12 days?

St. Therese the Little Flower used to get really annoyed at this one nun who would clank her rosary beads loudly against the pew during prayer time. It was really distracting, and it drove Therese nuts. Then one day, she decided that instead of being upset, she was going to pretend that the clanking was the sound of the bells in heaven, calling her to prayer. From then on, she was able to pray with joy, and she extended this philosophy to all parts of her life. If she was annoyed with anything, she just looked at it in a different way so that she could accept and embrace it as something beautiful.

This is totally what I've been trying to do with my life ever since I read that. And when the stores put up the lights and decorations way up by Halloween, and everyone around me is like, gripe, groan, I have learned to just look at how beautiful those lights are, and take delight in them. Why the hell shouldn't I? They are very, very beautiful, when you really think about it. Take delight in Christmas, and take advantage of the fact that you have reminders of Jesus' love for you up long before the actual holiday. All the longer for you to rejoice my friend, all the longer for you to rejoice.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! I love you!!!