Something totally awesome...

Virtual reality and it's non-benefits of loserness

As you can tell by the rather emotional title of this blog, at the moment the virtual universe is not something I'm super excited about. See, It's been nearly a month since I've been in the physical presence of my boyfriend the Kevin, and while I am eternally grateful to technology for allowing us to have daily contact in several forms, I am also really homesick for the realness that can only be felt when I'm actually with him.

I've believed this before, bee-kissing hippie that I am, that the experience of seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting someone is a real connector. That it allows souls to touch. But it is becoming increasingly and painfully more clear in my head that this is true with each passing day. I can hear Kevin's voice over the phone, but there's something really missing. I'm not actually hearing his voice, hearing his spirit. It sounds like him, but it's just a signal traveling over wires; no more him than the words on my facebook wall where he posted. I can see his face in pictures and videos, and I can see the uber-reddness of his hair, but at the same time, I can't. I can't see the aura of him. I can't see the essence of ginger. It's just a thing, captured light, these pictures. It's not him.

What, with all this rambling, is the main point that I'm trying to say?

You can't really experience the fullness of a person unless you're physically in their presence. I think this is why Jesus became human, and this is why he became the little white thing in the tabernacle. Because he designed us to need physical presence. We cannot, cannot experience the real Jesus just by entering a state of meditation and saying ohm. (Not that Jesus-worshiping people usually do that, I just like to say it cause it sounds funny.) We cannot, cannot experience the real, full Jesus just by reading his Word that was written down, awesome as words are. We HAVE to be in the real, freaking presence of Jesus to really really get the real him.

Gosh darn it when I get back to school, my resolution is to not let any more days go by where I don't visit Jesus at least once.

And I'm going to give Kevin a $50 kiss.

Rubicon Syndrome

"There’s a time for noble and profound heroics…and there’s a time for recognizing that there’s not really any Rubicons to be crossed in one’s life."

This is a quote from my friend the Andy, and it got me thinking. Most people have some type of massive conversion at some point in their lives, something that happens to them that changes their life forever. It might be a dramatic event, a total mental breakdown, a moment of complete understanding, or countless other things. Whatever it is, the person crosses that river in one sweeping motion, and experience leaves the person feeling "high" and empowered, motivated to change their life and do awesome things. But reality inevitably sets in, excitement is lost, and the individual must go on with their lives without the extra adrenaline. Many people hit this reality and give up, slipping back into whatever it was that they were converting from.

Sometimes, people get addicted to the conversion process, developing what I many times have called "Retreat Junkie Syndrome." A person with RJS will go on their first retreat, have a massive conversion, cry their heart out on a loving shoulder, resolve never to sin again, etc. Then they leave the retreat and go back to their normal lives, and, after a few weeks, they realize that they've lost the adrenaline. They sink lower than they were before, and they panic. In order to save themselves, they go on another retreat. They get high on God again, and cry some more, and the process repeats. These people go to a retreat sometimes more than 2 times a year, because without the high from the retreat they can no longer survive.

This addiction to conversion, or Rubicon crossage, is a horrible problem for these people. It not only fails to produce real growth, it actually prevents the person from growing. Like any other addiction, it eventually completely consumes them and starts to blind them towards reality. Since crossing Rubicons is an event that focuses on the individual, eventually the person becomes extremely individualistic since they are constantly focused on themselves.

How do you prevent Rubicon Syndrome? When you cross a Rubicon in your life, internalize the lesson you learned. Let the experience become a part of you. Then, move on. Continue on to the City, realizing that the path will be hard, and don't look back to the river. The ant is walking, right? Set baby goals for yourself, and take baby steps. Keep yourself accountable. When you need it, don't be afraid to ask for help. And if you slide back down, just get up and go at it again. Don't let yourself depend on another Rubicon, another Retreat, another conversion. We are strong. And through our frustration comes growth. Growth shmoth, you say? We all know what Andy has to say about shmoth...