"There’s a time for noble and profound heroics…and there’s a time for recognizing that there’s not really any Rubicons to be crossed in one’s life."
This is a quote from my friend the Andy, and it got me thinking. Most people have some type of massive conversion at some point in their lives, something that happens to them that changes their life forever. It might be a dramatic event, a total mental breakdown, a moment of complete understanding, or countless other things. Whatever it is, the person crosses that river in one sweeping motion, and experience leaves the person feeling "high" and empowered, motivated to change their life and do awesome things. But reality inevitably sets in, excitement is lost, and the individual must go on with their lives without the extra adrenaline. Many people hit this reality and give up, slipping back into whatever it was that they were converting from.
Sometimes, people get addicted to the conversion process, developing what I many times have called "Retreat Junkie Syndrome." A person with RJS will go on their first retreat, have a massive conversion, cry their heart out on a loving shoulder, resolve never to sin again, etc. Then they leave the retreat and go back to their normal lives, and, after a few weeks, they realize that they've lost the adrenaline. They sink lower than they were before, and they panic. In order to save themselves, they go on another retreat. They get high on God again, and cry some more, and the process repeats. These people go to a retreat sometimes more than 2 times a year, because without the high from the retreat they can no longer survive.
This addiction to conversion, or Rubicon crossage, is a horrible problem for these people. It not only fails to produce real growth, it actually prevents the person from growing. Like any other addiction, it eventually completely consumes them and starts to blind them towards reality. Since crossing Rubicons is an event that focuses on the individual, eventually the person becomes extremely individualistic since they are constantly focused on themselves.
How do you prevent Rubicon Syndrome? When you cross a Rubicon in your life, internalize the lesson you learned. Let the experience become a part of you. Then, move on. Continue on to the City, realizing that the path will be hard, and don't look back to the river. The ant is walking, right? Set baby goals for yourself, and take baby steps. Keep yourself accountable. When you need it, don't be afraid to ask for help. And if you slide back down, just get up and go at it again. Don't let yourself depend on another Rubicon, another Retreat, another conversion. We are strong. And through our frustration comes growth. Growth shmoth, you say? We all know what Andy has to say about shmoth...
This simultaneously makes me want to congratulate you and *facepalm*, but in a good way, lol.
ReplyDeleteI like how you presented this Lindsay... I've been thinking along these lines for a while, but the way you say it is just so awesome. "Growth shmoth"... heehee :-D
ReplyDeleteI have a question though: do you think crossing the Rubicon is necessary? Does everyone have a Rubicon to cross? I know I haven't had one *boom* conversion experience, but if I look at the big picture I know I've changed over time... does that mean I'm fording the river one teeny step at a time? Just a thought...
You know, that's a good point Yvonne.
ReplyDeleteFor one thing, dramatic moments in different people's lives can be different levels of dramatic. Do you remember the story of St. Therese, where she was I think maybe 12, and she overheard her father saying that maybe she was too old to be making such a big deal about her Christmas presents. She ran to her room in tears at first, sorry for herself, but then she came to the realization that indeed it was time for her to grow up. She celebrated the presents and stockings with glee that one last time, but then never made a big deal about it again. In a way, she crossed a river in her life, even though I don't think you would really say that it was as dramatic as crossing the Rubicon.
Does that make sense at all? So I guess I think that no, you don't necessarily have to have a huge Rubicon to cross. And that sort of relates back to what St. Therese said about Sainthood; that some people are big tall lilies, like, Caesar lol. And some people are small roses. And there's all kinds of flowers in between.
I guess on that note, it might be a lot easier to cross many small rivers instead of crossing one huge one all at once. It would definitely be a good way to avoid the problem of getting addicted to dramatic changes.
But, on another note, sometimes Rubicons are forced upon us by the situation. For example, parents have to do this sometimes to intervene for their kids. Like, just as an example, a mother notices that her daughter is showing signs of depression, but she avoids talking to her about it because every time she brings up the issue her daughter just shuts her out. But then one day the mother discovers a bloody razor in her daughter's room, and she decides that it's time to intervene. That kind of issue becomes a Rubicon for the Mother as well as the daughter, as they cross it to make a drastic change in their life.
So, in other words, it's not always about a personal conversion, sometimes I think our life changes can happen because someone else needed to cross the river, but they couldn't do it by themselves, so we have to jump in the river with them.
Does that kinda help the metaphor of a river make more sense? What do you think?
woah, that was a really long reply lol. sorry. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that the volume of a Rubicon is directly proportional to the amount of attention God needs to divert to himself. You're far lost? If you're facing a Rubicon, that's gonna be one big Rubicon. You see what I mean? I think that's probably a good rough rule of thumb.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I get what you mean. I can definitely see that some people do have Rubicons to cross, and that some of these were forced upon them (as in the example you used). I just wanted to make sure I understood what you were saying and that you weren't saying that this was necessary in everyone's lives; it seems that we all agree that the degree of the "crossing" is proportional to the degree of need rather than a cookie-cutter conversion for everyone across the board.
ReplyDeleteThis whole topic/conversation made me think of how my spiritual growth is kind of like my physical growth... I never had a growth spurt and ended up on the short side just like I never had one big moment of "lightning bolt" progress, but developed/ am developing gradually over time into (I think and hope) a little cup (as per St. Therese) of quality goodness ;-)